On Name Calling and Expletives

On Saturday night, the kids got home and we read a lot from 

To Kill A Mockingbird. 

(We were in the heat of the trial and it was getting intense.)

When I stopped reading, we were all clustered at the bottom of the stairs talking.

And I don't know what I was doing, but at one point, Isaiah said,

"Mom, are you hearing this? Did you hear what Claire just said?!"

I looked at him quizzically. No, I hadn't heard.

"She just called Benji a butthole."

Special.

From my cute, sweet, hilarious 4-year-old.

A few minutes later, she was laying back in my arms on my lap as we were all still sitting there and I looked down and said quietly,

"Claire, don't say butthole."

And she said, 

"Okay."

It's a term she's no doubt heard from her brothers---so I told them, again, that I don't want them using that word.

(I've always hated that word.)

I told them it was gross and beneath them.

But since we're talking about telling kids not to say stuff, let's talk about that one time last week when I was telling my boys not to swear. I was standing there in the kitchen, and as the words were coming out of my mouth, I realized what a joke it was because I've become quite fond of saying hell. Awesome.

(#motherhoodforthewin)

Nature Journaling

I love this book.  

It is a beautiful, thought-provoking, insightful read.

It almost should be its own post, because I will probably read it again and again.  

But for today, I'll quote just a few short passages: 

"This is perhaps the greatest legacy we can bestow on our children: the capacity to be enchanted by the quiet gifts of everyday life."

And this...

"Modern life calls us away from nature's rhythms, away from the kind of observation and interaction with the natural world that can quiet a troubled mind, restore a sense of well-being, and renew our connections with all life.  We spend our days inside stead, yoked to some other rhythm, bathed in artificial light, breathing recycled air, surrounded by man-made materials---concrete, glass, and plastic....As the nature writer Robert Michael Pyle has observed, many children today suffer from what he calls 'the extinction of experience.' Unlike children of earlier generations, they simply do not have the kind of direct, frequent, contact with the earth and its creatures that result in a passionate, lasting relationship with the natural world.  Our children, he points out, may have 'politically correct' responses to whales, global warming, pollution, and rain forests; they are well versed in the major environmental issues---but far less grounded in their own visceral, firsthand experiences.  Their actual physical contact and intimacy with nature is fading away.  It is not enough, then, to teach our children about nature; we must allow our children to grow up in nature."

Nature study is all about noticing the natural world; the intricate detail, the beauty that washes over us each day, the kinds of things we often take for granted.  

Do you ever wonder about losing your vision, and that glorious moment when sight was restored?  

I do.  

How magical watching a rainstorm would be, or waiting for that blue on the horizon to be washed in sunlight, or taking note of how incredible a small insect is?

Ever since these folks were small, we have spent hours and hours outdoors, one thing that makes me truly happy.  

But since we've started nature journaling, I'm hoping it will be another level of noticing detail.

Last time, we were up the canyon and sketched fall leaves.  

Today, these were the treasures we collected around our neighborhood block: miscellaneous rocks, petunias, hazelnuts (both in and out of their sheath), lobelia, snapdragons, a chestnut and a sunflower (and we stopped to admire the seeds in the head of an especially large sunflower). 

Our table, a messy array of colored pencils, crayons, and freshly cut apples.  

Listening to Pachelbel's Canon.

Benji, beginning

Isaiah, at the start

My final sketches in my book

The petunia Isaiah sketched

His drawing of it (I love how he tried to draw the veins of dark purple)

Our sunflower, and Mia's rendition of it below

Mia's snapdragon

A fuzzy little friend that fell out of a petunia we picked outside

Crawling up Isaiah's hand as he tried to sketch him

His drawing of our little friend

Benji's sketches of a tree seedling

In the same book, Katrina Kenison talks about being outside with her two boys one day as they played in a nearby stream.  After talking about their adventure, she says this:

"The world, seen through the eyes of a child, is a delicious, irresistible place.  And, for the moment, anyway, I am the lucky adult companion of two little boys, my own sense of wonder renewed each time we step out the door and look around us."

I feel the same way about my three little companions.

Something Special To Me

One of my favorite Christmas tree ornaments?

These.

I have them all over my tree.

When my Grams moved out of her apartment to move in with my aunt for the last few months of her life, I was looking through things that were left behind.

I found a box of Christmas ornaments, and lots of these were inside.

They were the prize.

They are pieces of a bedspread my great-grandmother made and presented to her daughter, my Grandma Vera, on her wedding day in 1940.

I think about them as I look at the tree.

I feel conscious of my mothers that have gone before.

I feel grateful for their talents and gifts.

I remember them.

Tagged by Elizabeth (La Vie En Rose)

Elizabeth put me up to the challenge. So, here goes:

6 Unusual Things About Me

1. Apparently my nose wiggles and moves when I talk and laugh (so says my sweets). So...for those of you who know me, I want to know. Is it true? Have you noticed it?

2. Everyone knows (at least I think by now) that I have twin boys. But, do you know that I actually think it'd be FUN to have them again? That I'd actually be EXCITED?!

3. I like funerals. I don't enjoy the aspect of grieving, etc., but there is something so sacred about them. I've only ever been to ONE that was the most awkward, to say TASTELESS thing I've been to in my life. But that was rare. I always feel inspired to live my life better, and love to hear about the lives of those who have passed away. So LOVE the perspective they give me of how short life really is.

4. I am ALWAYS mixing up cliche phrases. You'll hear me say stuff like, "Are you pulling my foot?" Or, case in point, just last night I was telling Scott that if we were to run a marathon together and he wanted to "drop the handle" at the end and just go for it, I wouldn't mind at all. Should have been "drop the hammer." Anyway, I do this ALL the time. Constant source of amusement for Scottish.

5. The first thing I said after crossing the finish line of the Park City Marathon (26.2 miles) was, "I gotta do that again!" (See pics from our race here.)

6. And, last but not least, another source of amusement for my husband: I excuse myself when no one else is around. (ie. I will sneeze or cough or whatever, and even when totally alone, I still will say, "Excuse me," outloud.) I also talk to myself all the time. (Should I admit that?)

I hereby tag Scott, Becca, Christa, Casee, Brian, Leah, and Jessica.

100 things you may not know about me...

I had a hard time thinking of 100!! things. But, I loved reading everyone else's that I've read, so here goes:

1. I've ran a marathon (Park City, UT), and I'd like to run another one.
2. I have won writing awards for personal essay, poetry and short story.
3. I received the Hope of America award in 6th grade.
4. I play the piano and guitar.
5. I love to sing.
6. I have written songs that I sing with my guitar, but I'm an amateur at best.
7. I have been a journal writer since I was nine years old.
8. I ran my own preschool at age eleven (I still have the letters I sent out to parents, rolls I kept, etc., but I gave away all of my supplies (ie. flannel board I made, calendars, etc. etc.) to someone else a long time ago).
9. I had the exact same cursive as my fourth grade teacher (so much so that we tested a student one day that was also in my class and he thought her handwriting was mine).
10. I did editing for my favorite high school English teacher.
11. I could listen to Christmas carols any month of the year (carols---as to be distinguished from pop tunes like "Frosty" and "Rudolph" and "Let it Snow", etc. -- although those are fun, too, but my favorites are carols).
12. I love classical music.
13. I have never been stung by a bee.
14. I have never had a bloody nose.
15. When my neighbor Brad and I were about 10 (or so), we married each other on the ping pong table in my garage.
16. I've peed on someone before (my little sister C).
17. I love downhill mountain biking.
18. The first time my husband (then boyfriend) took me riding, we went off Squaw Peak, ended up having to ride down the road due to super muddy conditions on the mountain, and I ran into a car that was driving up and...
19. I have a pretty good scar to prove it.
20. I love Spanish -- took 3 years of it in college, and hope to be able to speak it fluently one day.
21. I am almost seven years younger than my husband, but...
22. it works. He's great.
23. I really like to exercise, and feel sluggish if I don't.
24. I have a love affair with words and language.
25. I love the natural world.
26. I have twin boys.
27. I can talk a lot.
28. My favorite drink is water.
29. I graduated in English from BYU-Provo.
30. I think about going back to school one day.
31. Right now I still suffer heavily from sleep deprivation, etc., and am so in love with my boys and being a part of every minute that I can't imagine doing that anytime soon.
32. I love to read.
33. I love to garden and work in the yard.
34. Hence, one of my favorite smells is fresh cut grass.
35. I love childrens books.
36. I am a daughter of a world renowned organist and professor (father) and a CFO for Children's Miracle Network (mother).
37. I love to do anything with my hands (make cards, handmade books (I took a class in bookbinding)), etc.
38. I love every season.
39. I wear a size 10 shoe.
40. But, unfortunately, a size 12 in running shoes.
41. My girlfriend nicknamed me Plats because of the skis I have for feet.
42. I don't like to be the center of attention, except...
43. I love to teach.
44. I once was left in the middle of a busy intersection at night during a Chinese Fire drill.
45. I sucked my thumb until I was seven.
46. I love taking LONG walks.
47. I would love to be a professional photographer.
48. I love handwritten letters (handwritten anything, really).
49. I think I wrecked my dad's car three times during the time I was learning to drive...and all of them were in our driveway (I ran into the fences that bordered either side). Yikes...watch out!
50. My driving has since improved. :)
51. I first babysat a newborn when I was eight.
52. When my dad served as bishop, someone joked to him that I was a born Relief Society president because I could tell you all the new babies in the ward (and went to visit to hold them), and also visited the widows I knew.
53. I LOVED to play house when I was a little girl, and honed it to an art form. It had to be as realistic as possible. For example...
54. I used to cut up tootsie rolls in my baby's REAL diaper (that I would purchase at the store) so that it would appear that she really had pooped.
55. I kept her bassinet by my bed, and when I would wake up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, I would come back to my bed and stay awake for a few extra minutes to "nurse" my baby (since REAL babies wake up to nurse at night when they're new). I would literally pull up my shirt.
56. I paid people in the neighborhood REAL money to babysit for me. Yes, it's true.
57. I would mix flour and water for her formula when I gave her bottles, etc. You get the idea.
58. My girlfriend and I (same one referenced above re: Plats) would always argue over which of our babies was the youngest and smallest.
59. Little did I know that not only would I have twins one day, but that I would have preemie babies who were born six weeks early and were so tiny. Maybe I won after all. :)
60. I love to cook.
61. I detest Mormon pop music.
62. The very first night my husband met me he thought, "I could marry a girl like that." Funny thing was, I didn't even really talk to him that night. I was talking to his brother and sister-in-law.
63. I have two nieces with flower names (Tigerlily and Daffodil), and a niece named after a garden (Eden).
64. I could eat ripe garden tomatoes fresh off the vine. Love how warm they are and the minty taste.
65. I have a circle scar on my left knee from a ring of warts that I had when I was younger (got rid of them from liquid nitrogen, but the scar remains).
66. When I was a little girl, my dad always brought treats home on Friday from the BYU Bookstore for me and my little sister. We called them "Friday treats."
67. I tend to prefer things simple.
68. I have a love/hate relationship with technology, and I often wonder about the past.
69. One of my favorite chic flicks is "Return to Me."
70. I love being a mom.
71. Outside of the United States, I have been to Germany, Austria, Switzerland and Holland.
72. I am notorious for being the recipient of gift cards/certificates, and not using them for ages, probably because...
73. I hate shopping. It's only fun if you have money to spend, and even then, I max out at about two hours. Plus, I guess I have a love/hate relationship with accumulating too much and not really needing it, etc. (the whole argument of consumerism---something I've been thinking about a lot as of late). Still, I do love getting new things.
74. I love watching snow fall at night when it's late and quiet and it's falling thick.
75. It's especially fun to walk in it when it's like that.
76. I love being outside.
77. I love my bedroom. For some reason, I seem to prefer my room to any other room in the house, even if I'm not sleeping. I always tend to hang out there.
78. I've always been a home body.
79. I love ice cream.
80. I am a child of the humanities: love anything with arts, culture, literature, etc.
81. My favorite holiday is Christmas, hands down. But, aside from that, I LOVE the 4th of July.
82. I have very fond memories of my childhood, and my home and the neighborhood and the people are very sacred to me.
83. I thrive on long lasting, sincere friendships.
84. Relationships are very important to me.
85. I've never really mastered doing a cartwheel.
86. Or a hand stand, for that matter.
87. I love listening to stories, especially when I'm with my father or grandfather or anyone who's talking about memories, etc.
88. I love folk music.
89. I feel like I have quite a bit of jewelry for someone who doesn't wear it that much.
90. One of my favorite books of scripture in the BOM is Alma. But, 3rd Nephi, Helaman and Moroni (and 1st and 2nd Nephi) are pretty close behind. How do you choose?
91. One of my all time favorite books is Crossing to Safety by Wallace Stegner.
92. I love looking at family pictures.
93. I SUPER enjoy hanging out with my sisters.
94. I think my parents are wonderful and love every minute I get to spend with them.
95. I'd like to learn to simplify more.
96. I love the "Anne of Green Gables" videos, although the third one doesn't cut it. My advice would be to stick with the first two.
97. The game I associate most with my family is Pinochle.
98. I was raised without a television in the home. We are doing the same with our family, though we have a TV with a VCR/DVD player for that option.
99. The only thing I've ever done to my hair was perm it: once, in fourth grade.
100. I love the smell of woodsmoke, fall (the seasons in general), pine, cedar, good food baking, rain, etc.

Wanna make your own list? I wanna read it.

Gopher, Orange, Exchange, Simulate & Prove -- My Very Own Love Story

Thank you, Georgia. This was fun.

Gopher. It all started because I delivered the message, directly after the sacrament, in church. Essentially this: "I like you. Do you like me?" (Non-essentially it contained a lot more words in and around and between, because, like I could say THAT, much less practically anything else, in just seven words??!!) But really, long before that, I was trying to wire a cable while sending messages---and watching for signs of reception on the other end. It was a little gutsy---being that I was 17, still in high school, and he was 24. Here were some of my messaging techniques, my little love letter feelers that I hoped would land in his mailbox:

*LOCATION: happening to be in just the right place at just that right time
*INVITES ("If you ever want to go running with me, you're more than welcome." Or biking. Or hiking. I also asked him if he wanted to read Tuesdays with Morrie with me, to which he answered yes. We spent nights reading that together.)
*GIFTS (These were essentially so hopefully he'd figure it out that I thought about him when we weren't together, and that I was interested. Hello! My favorite was when I left him some sprigs of forsythia in his bedroom to cheer him when he walked in. One time I left him a plant with a scripture marker/pen tucked in under the green shoots.)
*CONVERSATION (This has always been one of my favorite things, and I'd take the opportunity to strike up conversation that would end up lasting for hours. We talked about everything, and as I'm trying to think of anything specific right now, I remember (for some reason) a conversation that we had
on women/motherhood vs. the priesthood and really liking what he had to say about it.
*Etc. (You know, the usual things.)

It's kind of embarrassing, but I just remember thinking that if he got to know me, I knew he'd like me. Guess I was feeling confident. I just kept hoping that maybe this signaling would work.

In the end, let me just tell you, he got IT.
O is for Orange.
After he got the message (and sent one of his own back), we worked on harvesting this something orange---something:

--sweet like our picnic while listening to the bell concert, dancing to a favorite song in the canyon, a strawberry banana concrete at Nielsen's Frozen Custard, twirling on the temple lawn and in the middle of 5th West, and sitting on the edge of Lake Powell in the moonlight talking

--fresh like the brisk night hikes we took up Rock Canyon, the flowers he left in my room, biking in mud on Squaw Peak, cold water fights with the hose, and never getting enough (the way something just gets better and better and never gets old)

--juicy like the fruity popsicles we loved, like the HUGE hamburgers that Scott would concoct with all sorts of spices and tons of flavor and grill, sweet love notes, nice kisses and hugs

--warm like the way he held me one night at 106th South in Sandy when I was having a particularly hard reckoning with the fact my parents were splitting, the simplicity and utter cuteness of the gift of a children's book that he knew that I love, a gray Vans sweatshirt, and the wonderful times spent laughing

--and delicious like the peace of time together that brings a sense of security, moments of testimony, and that lovely feeling of knowing that you are to someone else what no one else is, that you are the essence of their dreams

There were many night drives up the canyon or elsewhere where we peeled oranges and enjoyed them slice by slice. To this day, I cannot see an orange and not think of him. All the while, we were in the middle of this color, that hinging between day and night, when the sun is brilliantly winking his eye across the sky. We were at dusk, approaching the close of a blazing summer.

Exchange.

He left in the fall for a 2 year season of back and forth conversation while he served a mission for the church. It was a time of growth and change for both of us, but I still get sentimental when I think about the anxiousness of waiting for those letters in the mailbox (virtual or otherwise). To this day, I still love to look at our four binders of letters and pick up snippets of what life was like and what was going on. I think writing provides a unique way for you to get to know someone---and to get to know yourself. In truth, I think it left things engraved on our hearts---I know it did on mine.

Simulate. In time, or all along, it came to resemble truth, a resonation between us that I couldn't ignore and couldn't let go of. It was like an echo of what I'd imagined to be real, and it came bouncing back to me again and again. I am one of those people that has an extremely hard time with decisions, and this one was HUGE. I think I knew in my heart what I felt, but I still needed to prove it to myself by running all of the above through my head. It's true that sometimes the farthest distance you ever have to travel is the distance between your head and your heart. The rest is history. We got married, but we're still building, still seeking those blueprints for resonance between us.


To Jessica & Casee (and anyone else who wants to play), here are your words: green, infrastructure, grasp, delve, and motherlode. Do with them what you like---it doesn't have to be a story.