Thursday, March 19, 2009

Sweet Glimpse

I just finished kneading bread for dinner tonight. I was in my blue bathrobe, with the back door open and the boys playing in the backyard with sidewalk chalk and garden pots and water bottles. It felt kind of like a Saturday morning to me from when I was a little girl. As I was kneading I was listening to the BYU basketball game on the radio and it reminded me of my mother. Because I grew up without a tv, I remember hearing BYU football games on the radio. The picture that survives in my memory is one of watching her work on the woodwork around all the doorways upstairs in the beautiful old house. She would be revarnishing the doors and you could smell fall in the air with the windows open. And, of course, the football game on the radio. Now, here I am, the mother. Making bread. In my bathrobe. Kids playing outside and coming in and out. Baby sleeping. Game on the radio. Makes a part of me, inside, smile -- and feel a bit wistful at the same time. These are the days, right now, fleeting, quick and connected.

Last night, I held just a piece of heaven, an anticipation, just a window's glimpse. And it was lovely. It was after midnight and I was holding my baby. Scott was asleep next to me. The fan was whirring in the corner of the room, a comforting sound for me, also connected to my childhood. And it was very quiet. I don't usually have these late night moments now with my baby because she is sleeping well, but I got one last night. Her little head lay in the curl of my arm and I could feel her chubby little legs right up next to my body. She was peaceful. I listened to the fan and thought about the highlights of my day. I thought about the daffodils opening for the first time, peeking up, bright yellow in the backyard. I watched, like I do every day, the boys welcome their dad home. It is one of my favorite moments. They run down the walk, shouting his name, hugging him. It always makes me happy to just sit back and watch. We sat around the table eating dinner together as a family -- one of my favorite things each day. It's nice to have the people I love most all around me. Then, Isaiah told Scott randomly after baths, "Mommy beautiful." And I got to go running -- just Scott and I -- in the dark. I love night running. Reflecting on this and just holding my little 3-month-old in the dark, with the fan and my own thoughts for company.

That was my piece of heaven.

I love my life.

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