The last few days I find myself looking again and again at my beautiful little girl.
Her hair is at the length I love right now.
She's my little shadow.
She's got these huge, beautiful blue eyes that she wishes were brown.
In the car yesterday, as we were leaving the grocery store, I said to her, "Mia, you have the most beautiful blue eyes." (I'm always trying to reinforce that fact.)
And she responded, "But I wish I had brown eyes."
When I asked her why, she responded, "Because I want to be a mother."
"You can still be a mother with blue eyes."
"But when I get bigger, I'll have brown eyes."
I told her they'd stay blue.
Then we got into a discussion about colored contacts and how I always just use the plain ones because I don't want to change my eyes.
And then she said, "I don't want to change anything about my eyes, either."
And then, "Mom, can we stop talking about eyes?"
She has always wanted brown eyes.
I want her to see the stunning beauty that I see.
She takes my breath away much of the time.
As I start to notice a quiver of gray hair by my ears, she is blooming away.
I woke from a dream this morning that I wanted to keep dreaming.
We had been up at a mountain cabin and it had snowed several feet.
Mr. C. and others were clearing the road so that we'd be able to drive home.
I was driving along (you know how weird dreams are -- all details blend together) and thought I'd just turn around really quick.
We slid right off the road and were falling backwards, down and down.
In the moment, as we were falling, I was deciding how hurt I was going to get.
Did I want to be almost killed?
Coma for several months?
A miraculous incident where we all walked away unscathed?
How bad would it be?
I found myself thinking that life isn't like that.
We can control, in small degrees, things that happen to us.
Good choices usually lead to good results.
Preparation yields progress.
But the opposite of those is true too.
And then there's a lot that just happens.
And we can no more choose the consequences than we can control how badly we get hurt in a mountain snow car crash or the color of our eyes.
Reminds me of this quote by Martha Washington that I agree with, is awfully inspiring, and a swift kick in the pants, too at certain moments:
"I have learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions and not on our circumstances."