Thursday, December 11, 2014

Walking the Track

Last weekend I had a talk with a dear friend of mine.
We talked about life -- how things come along and wrench you off what you thought you were doing and wherever it was you thought you were going.
Interruption moments that can be quick pauses, or full-fledged buckle-up-for-this type deals.

For me, when these things happen, I feel as tho I'm in a tunnel and can't yet see the light up ahead.  I make plans in my mind of exactly what that light is going to look like when I get there.
It's going to pan out this way, and by this time.
("I'm going to have a bunch of cute ducks, all lined up in a row, and it's gonna be sweet.")
And then, often, as I keep walking on that track, it isn't happening how I thought it needed to. (And, as an aside, my timeline is utterly thrown out the window.)
(It ain't a happenin', and you begin to wonder if it ever will.)

That's when the frustration sets in.

It can be tempting and easy to feel like God isn't listening to you when that angst sets in.

Recently I had a reset moment when I listened to this talk.  I could see myself here and realized that in those moments of frustration, I am the one preventing impressions from a loving Father---not that He isn't giving them, but I can't hear them.
And, more importantly, I can make it hard for me to feel love and reassurance from my Heavenly Parents.

"Many of us, in moments of personal anguish, feel that God is far from us.  The pavilion that seems to intercept divine aid does not cover God but occasionally covers us.  God is never hidden, yet sometimes we are...Our own desires, rather than a feeling of 'Thy will be done,' create the feeling of a pavilion blocking God.  God is not unable to see us or communicate with us, but we may be unwilling to listen or submit to His will and His time. ...we can't insist on our timetable when the Lord has His own. ...We remove the pavilion when we feel and pray 'Thy will be done' and 'in Thine own time.'  His time should be soon enough for us since we know that He wants only what is best."
(from Pres. Eyring's talk "Where is The Pavilion" -- for the full talk, go here)

Here's the thing.

In those moments, I have to go back to my heart.
To what I know.
To what I've felt confirmed there.
I believe that God is ultimately interested in our hearts -- just like we are, and I believe that's where He helps us the most.

He is testing our hearts.
Trying our hearts.
Teaching our hearts.
Shaping our hearts.

Because I believe that, that's really all that matters.

In the seasons where the next bend is hidden from view and I'm in the dark, God isn't.

That's what I know.
And hanging my hat on that brings the only peace that can ultimately be found sometimes.

It may be the only place I know to run away to and feel safe for a while.

But oh! what a lovely place to hide.

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