Simplifying

(Wild sunflowers up the canyon by our house)

I had a bunch of ladies at my house last night, and one friend talked with a few of us at the end of the evening about how overwhelmed she is feeling right now.

I suppose we all feel that way, at different times, and in different ways.

Lately, for me, it has been in a series of days -- and ways -- where I have felt like a mom fail.

Sometimes that can turn into a domino effect -- suddenly I am bugged by everything and flustered and start feeling overwhelmed.  It becomes difficult to see where I may be succeeding -- small ways tho they may be, easy to feel bogged down.

The other night I was running and listening to this talk, and I have thought since about a little thing he mentions.  He says: 

"...it wasn't long after astronauts and cosmonauts orbited the earth that they realized ballpoint pens would not work in space.  And so some very smart people went to work solving the problem.  It took thousands of hours and millions of dollars, but in the end, they developed a pen that could write anywhere, in any temperature, and on nearly any surface.  But how did the astronauts and cosmonauts get along until the problem was solved?  They simply used a pencil."

I guess what I've been wondering is how I might be over-complicating things.

What am I demanding that I could let go of?  

What is my ultimate goal?  

What do I want my children to feel?  To remember?  To know?

How about the other people in my life too?

How can I "simply use a pencil" -- slow down, focus on what is closest to my heart, and let the rest go to the wind?

I don't have all the answers yet, but it has been good food for thought.

Yesterday Afternoon

About 4:00 yesterday I hauled the laundry upstairs so I could be where the boys were.

Benji was busy with legos.

I wanted to be with them.

Isaiah wanted assistance; Benji was imagining all sorts of things in his head.

He was making a helicopter top, which morphed into a rocketship and then a fireball shooter.

I sat, observing and folding.

I've been mulling over this quote for the past week or so:

"Whatever we achieve requires enormous work, which is the effort of life; 

and that work is never complete." 

(Gary Saul Morson)

I am happy in my work.

For me it is purposeful.

I love spending time trying to nurture: feeding their bodies and paying special attention to have tried to feed their souls every day.  It requires conscious parenting.

It challenges and inspires me because it's a worthy endeavor.

And it's also a lot of work.

And sometimes you feel as though you measure up.

And other days, you wish for those optimistic feelings.

I think about work from other individuals that has blessed my life.

My parents; what they provided and instilled in me.

But beyond that, now that I'm a parent now, I know that I wish for things for my own children that sometimes I feel I don't adequately provide -- even though I wish to be able to supply everything.

I know my parents wished for us.

And I believe those wishes in our hearts don't go unheard; I believe they have power.

 

And I think of Mr. C., willing to work like crazy now so that I can be with our kids.

These are blessings indeed.

I'm reminded of Elder Maxwell's talking about how even if work isn't a temporal necessity, it IS a spiritual necessity.

I agree with this deep down in my bones.

It doesn't ever end, but I love to work.

It's invigorating and challenging, makes you feel valued and needed.

At least, it does for me.

On Marriage

It's gray out this morning.

After having the boys home all week last week due to eye infections (all three! of them), I didn't want to take them back.  I've decided (with Mr. C.'s support -- thank you, i love this) to homeschool them next school year, and last week we worked every day on reading and writing.  On days they're at preschool we can still get to these things later in the afternoon, but it always feels out of whack.  

Next winter I'll look forward to not ever having to go out in the snow and the cold early in the morning.

We can eat hot oatmeal or scones or muffins or...cold cereal...and then get right to work, leaving lots of time for adventure and creative play and outings in the afternoon.

In any case, I digress...

I've been mulling these two quotes over in my mind.

These thoughts (offered by Pres. Hinckley and Louis de Bernieres) are so contrary in some ways to modern media messages.

Love is supposed to be about fire and sparks and constant "madness," right?
I mean, listen to the text of most current love songs on the radio.
Pay attention to the commercials, advertisements on romance, even popular sitcoms and romantic reality TV shows.

I believe that a lot of these give us an askew perspective on what love is really about. 

I remember attending a lecture on love several years ago when I was a college student.  It was part of a "Lectures on Love" series and was given by an esteemed professor who was also a marriage and family therapist.  He talked about how the media feeds us with these messages.  The result?  Lots of folks, once those feelings are a little cooled down, begin to believe they aren't in love anymore.  He identified this as moving from limmerance love to companionate love.
(Limmerance = butterflies, twitterpation, etc.)
(Companionate = more mature love, focus on being a companion to that person, etc.)

So...sparks and crazy passion all the time?
And if it's not like that, you're not in love?
Nah.

It's little wonder commitment and long-term relationships are becoming more and more rare with the philosophies being fed to us on almost every side.

I don't pretend to be an authority on the subject, or to have things figured out. (Ha!)

But.  

My observation is that mainstream messages on marriage seem less and less to encourage a duality, and more and more to extol individuality ("if it isn't working for ME, we're done").  Less about sacrificing for a family, less about sacrificing for someone ELSE, and more about doing whatever it is that you want with YOUR life.

We live in interesting times.

I appreciate these quotes -- because I need the counsel and the reminder.

They ground me.

More than anything, I think marriage is about a deep friendship, one that you can count on. 

But, like President Hinckley says, we can improve constantly by trying to focus more on our companion: on their needs, their wants, their desires, their happiness, their well-being.

“I am satisfied that happiness in marriage is not so much a matter of romance as it is an anxious concern for the comfort and well-being of one’s companion. Any man who will make his wife’s comfort his first concern will stay in love with her throughout their lives and through the eternity yet to come.”

~ Gordon B. Hinckley

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two." 

~ Louis de Bernières in Captain Corelli's Mandolin

Lots to think about.

Much to aspire to.

Hope you have a lovely Tuesday. 

A Thought for the Week

I love this quote that I read last week from Scott's blog.

I've googled it and it appears the author is unknown.

This might be another one that needs to go on my fridge.

I Choose...

to live by choice, not by chance;

to make changes, not excuses;

to be motivated, not manipulated;

to be useful, not used;

to excel, not compete.

I choose self-esteem, not self-pity.

I choose to listen to my inner voice,

not the random opinion of others.

Something Better

My garden is gone, all that is left a lifeless heap. The weather is turning downright chilly out. "No, no!" I cry, not ready for this kind of cool until Thanksgiving. But it is unrelenting and inevitable. I snuggle under covers, put on socks, wear a jacket, make soup. Dress the children warmly.
Winter is coming stealthily.

Last night I was setting things in order.
Became kind of (to say it gently) stressed.
Started to think about what we need to make things okay
in this particular situation causing stress.
Then I remembered hearing something from a talk I
listened to when I was mopping the other day.
She talked about being with a friend who was house hunting
and after finding a particularly stunning house, the friend asked
her if she would pray with her, right there. She offered the prayer
and asked that her friend might be able to live in this house, or something better.

Before we bought our house, there was another house that I was oh so set on. I prayed that the first offer on that short sale would fall through, and that we would get the house -- and soon.
But we kept looking, anyway.
And lo and behold, we found something so much better.
We love the house.
We love the neighborhood.
We love the people here.
We have made wonderful friends.
We have been strengthened as a family.
We have a gorgeous mountain view, a deck in the backyard, big, lovely mature trees, space for the children to play. Wood floors. A wood burning fireplace. A mantel (which I wanted for decorating). Check. Check. Check. Check.
Something better, for sure.

He didn't answer that first prayer I sent over and over to heaven -- because He knew the something better to come. Last night, shortly after the point where I was rifling off all the different things I
could pray for to put my mind at ease and solve the problem, I thought of her story and about the faith of her prayer. And her friend being startled that she might ask for something better.
I think it was a tender mercy because the thought lodged in my mind.
Maybe my list of ways to solve the problem are actually limiting the Lord.
Maybe He has something better in mind.
His gifts are the gracious kind.

So as I climbed into my bed and said my prayers, I prayed about the problem, and then attempted praying in faith.
That it may be answered in a way that I could see.
Or, be answered with something better.

Something, at this moment, beyond my sight.

Hold a Hand

I walked in and saw them like this this morning and thought, "Wouldn't the whole world be so much better if we (literally and figuratively)



held each other's hands more???"