On Marriage

It's gray out this morning.

After having the boys home all week last week due to eye infections (all three! of them), I didn't want to take them back.  I've decided (with Mr. C.'s support -- thank you, i love this) to homeschool them next school year, and last week we worked every day on reading and writing.  On days they're at preschool we can still get to these things later in the afternoon, but it always feels out of whack.  

Next winter I'll look forward to not ever having to go out in the snow and the cold early in the morning.

We can eat hot oatmeal or scones or muffins or...cold cereal...and then get right to work, leaving lots of time for adventure and creative play and outings in the afternoon.

In any case, I digress...

I've been mulling these two quotes over in my mind.

These thoughts (offered by Pres. Hinckley and Louis de Bernieres) are so contrary in some ways to modern media messages.

Love is supposed to be about fire and sparks and constant "madness," right?
I mean, listen to the text of most current love songs on the radio.
Pay attention to the commercials, advertisements on romance, even popular sitcoms and romantic reality TV shows.

I believe that a lot of these give us an askew perspective on what love is really about. 

I remember attending a lecture on love several years ago when I was a college student.  It was part of a "Lectures on Love" series and was given by an esteemed professor who was also a marriage and family therapist.  He talked about how the media feeds us with these messages.  The result?  Lots of folks, once those feelings are a little cooled down, begin to believe they aren't in love anymore.  He identified this as moving from limmerance love to companionate love.
(Limmerance = butterflies, twitterpation, etc.)
(Companionate = more mature love, focus on being a companion to that person, etc.)

So...sparks and crazy passion all the time?
And if it's not like that, you're not in love?
Nah.

It's little wonder commitment and long-term relationships are becoming more and more rare with the philosophies being fed to us on almost every side.

I don't pretend to be an authority on the subject, or to have things figured out. (Ha!)

But.  

My observation is that mainstream messages on marriage seem less and less to encourage a duality, and more and more to extol individuality ("if it isn't working for ME, we're done").  Less about sacrificing for a family, less about sacrificing for someone ELSE, and more about doing whatever it is that you want with YOUR life.

We live in interesting times.

I appreciate these quotes -- because I need the counsel and the reminder.

They ground me.

More than anything, I think marriage is about a deep friendship, one that you can count on. 

But, like President Hinckley says, we can improve constantly by trying to focus more on our companion: on their needs, their wants, their desires, their happiness, their well-being.

“I am satisfied that happiness in marriage is not so much a matter of romance as it is an anxious concern for the comfort and well-being of one’s companion. Any man who will make his wife’s comfort his first concern will stay in love with her throughout their lives and through the eternity yet to come.”

~ Gordon B. Hinckley

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two." 

~ Louis de Bernières in Captain Corelli's Mandolin

Lots to think about.

Much to aspire to.

Hope you have a lovely Tuesday. 

Learning What It Means

I got fidgety.

Never loved the wintery mantle.

Still haven't figured something out for January that I totally love up there.

So I went on to love month, and decided that from here on out, I'll probably just celebrate the love directly after Christmas.  Why not?

As I got into it, I realized I wanted to celebrate the love we have for each other -- beginning as a couple, morphing into family.

And I wanted it simple.

 Family photos.
I chose the candid sepia photo we used for our wedding announcement.

My current most fave picture of Mimi with her dad.

The pic of me laughing as the boys were trying to smooch my cheeks.

The mantle became an expression of something I've been thinking about a lot lately.

The other night Scott and I were talking about the progress we can both see and feel
 that has been made in our relationship in the last year.

I've thought a lot lately about how the person you marry becomes such a significant choice.

You don't even realize how significant it is when you are doing it, even if you hear yourself saying, "This is a HUGE decision, a HUGE choice."

You don't know that yet.

But it's really starting to sink in for me.

When I come away from gatherings with folks that I love dearly, and feel that comfort in knowing that I don't have to explain myself to him.  He understands me in some ways where I don't have to say a whole lot.

That he loves my kids the same way that I do, because they are his, too.

That we have such a collective history, becoming more and more intertwined.

That he has seen, and accepted, a lot of my weaknesses and still is there for me anyway.

That he has forgiven a lot.

We've walked through several trials together, some pushing us apart, and then have had to fight to come back together.

Sometimes that feels like a crazy uphill climb.

But more and more, I just realize how much we share.

It doesn't mean that he always gets me or I get him.

It doesn't mean that we have 100% crossover of our interests and what we understand.

It doesn't mean we always like the same stuff or share the same opinion.

It doesn't mean we respond to everything the same way.

It doesn't mean we always understand each other and never ever get in a fight because of miscommunication (insert: hahahaha).

What I'm learning though?

It DOES mean it's about letting someone enrich your life, being willing to open up and not be scared of the differences or the beauty you find there.

It's about having a companion, and being a companion to someone else.

It's knowing you have someone to go home to, knowing someone will be there.

It's about recognizing the dual journey,and learning to count the steps together and not the differences.

It's about learning how to make better choices and grow up.

It's about humbling yourself and making it not about YOU, but about US.
It's about thinking about the other person, and how they feel.

This can be hard stuff, folks.

Lately for me it has been thinking a lot about being loving.

Choosing to love.

Not expect.

Not define.

Not put within a certain bracket.

Not compare.

Rather, I am trying to appreciate and respect more.

The more I honestly practice this and focus, the more I find to appreciate and respect.

The more I AM a companion, the more I notice how he is that back brace for me, too.

It's a continual give-give.

We have a lot of love to celebrate, a lot of learning and growing and stretching.

Not to mention the 3 little people we have now that just further us.

And being a family doesn't mean you have it all figured out or that things are always pretty.

It's about having someone to share the journey with, someone who helps you learn and discover a lot about yourself.

It means trying and loving and working at it the best you can, and noticing the miracles that happen along the way.

Just Thoughts

I am baking bread today. It may well be one of the last days cool enough to enjoy some hot soup with homemade bread and butter.

Yesterday was 75 degrees+, blue sky, popsicles, sprinklers, dirt -- a beautiful day.

Today we've had rain, some wind, not-too-much cooler temps and cloudy skies. These kinds of days often put me in the mood for soups and Christmas music.

It really is so cute. We have a DVD of Clare College at Cambridge singing Christmas carols, and they are lovely. I can put Benji on the couch, with his bear ("baby") and blanket and he will curl right into the crook of the arm of the couch, snuggle his baby and put his little thumb in his mouth. And he will just lie there. He loves watching and hearing the music.

It kind of amazes me, actually. Both because it is so sweet, and also because it surprises me that an almost-twenty-month-old will sit and soak it in like that. It is one of the many things that I love about him.

I get told, frequently, how cute these boys are. I completely agree, but I am a 100% biased party. But even I step back sometimes, when they glance up at me, laughing, or tease me somehow and I watch this little personality emerge and feel like I am with other people, not just my children. I am amazed at what they are, what they think is funny, how they come up with things out of nowhere and it seems complete confirmation to me of being born with a spirit all their own.

Maybe it's kind of like looking in the mirror every day, and not noticing the changes in yourself, necessarily. Once you start looking at old photos, you realize how you've changed.

Sometimes it is a bit like that for me with these boys; I see them every day, but sometimes, I look -- and it takes my breath away. They are beautiful. They are so funny. They are so clever, sweet, refreshingly pure. My flesh and blood.

I saw in the paper yesterday that someone who was very significant in my childhood is retiring at the end of this year. I dropped her a line last night, and was thinking about how important figures of your childhood -- people who made you feel loved and like one-in-a-million to them --seem to stay that way. It is a beautiful thing to watch folks get older and feel the gratitude swell inside yourself for knowing, for being blessed by others, for being able to have been loved by these people -- and we all have them.

It is actually a very inspiring thought for me, because it makes me think about/realize the type of individual that I hope to be to those around me. As frail and flawed as I am, I hope that I can leave a legacy of love and devotion. I think that may be my ultimate goal.

I read, once, in an office a saying that said something to this effect:

People will not remember what you did (or wore or something -- can't quite remember this phrase); they will not remember what you said; but they will always remember how you made them feel.

I think that's really true, and also a bit daunting.

And because this is a kind of random thoughts post, I thought I would post this quote from this book I am currently reading. I thought it so interesting and insightful:


"...the challenge I face with children is the redemption of adulthood. We must make it evident that maturity is the fulfillment of childhood and adolescence, not a diminishing; that it is an affirmation of life, not a denial; that it is entering fully into our essential selves.
I don't go along with the people who say they'd never want to live their childhoods again; I treasure every bit of mine, all the pains as well as the joy of discovery. But I also love being a grownup. To be half a century plus is wonderfully exciting, because I haven't lost any of my past, and am free to stand on the rock of all that the past has taught me as I look towards the future.
The youngsters' rejection of adults often shocks us so much that we in turn reject the rejection and are angered at the violent means by which they repudiate parents and teachers. They drop out of school and college because it just doesn't seem worthwhile. Or they want a college degree without having to work for it. Or they have trial marriages, or just share a pad, rather than entering into relationships which are intended to last for life...with the concomitant philosophy that if you try marriage and it doesn't work, you quit. They are rebelling not again our morality and our discipline but against our lack of morality and our lack of discipline. They are unwilling to commit themselves with promises of fidelity in relationships because they have known too many grownups make these promises and then break them as though they didn't matter. Somehow or other, promises, as well as adulthood, must be redeemed. My seminar students asked me, 'But isn't it better not to make the promises at all? Isn't it more honest?'
I shook my head. 'No. I don't think so. And I think I do have a right to talk to you about this, because I've been married to the same man for almost twenty-five years, and we love each other more now than we did twenty-five years ago. When we were married we made promises, and we took them seriously. No relationship between two people which is worth anything is static. If a man and wife tell me they've never had a quarrel, I suspect that something is festering under the skin. There've been a number of times in my marriage when--if I hadn't made promises--I'd have quit. I'm sure this is equally true of Hugh; I'm not an easy person to live with.'
I'm quite sure that Hugh and I would never have reached the relationship we have today if we hadn't made promises. Perhaps we made them youthfully, and blindly, not knowing all that was implied; but the very promises have been a saving grace."
(From Madeleine L'Engle's A Circle of Quiet -- I highlighted my favorite sentences)


Now, I am not making the argument that all marriages should stay together; I think it would be naive to say that all marriages are better if they don't dissolve. Some are unhealthy, abusive, or very damaging in one way or another. But I will never be the judge of that, thankfully. But I know I will be judged on how I treat/love others, and that's what is important. I think we each do the things we have to do, and that is sufficient.

But, I am a proponent of the importance and sanctity of marriage. And I loved this quote because after marrying -- amidst the truth that my husband is my best friend -- I also suddenly gained a whole lot of respect for folks who had been married for years and years and who are very happy together. I realized how much work a relationship like that takes. And there have been times when I have honestly questioned if I am "marriage material," if I can be the kind of spouse that I hope to be, if I have the kind of love to make a relationship like that. And, even in four short years of marriage, my promises have been questioned. It has been more than I bargained for at times. It has been full of brilliant moments of joy, as well as difficulty and pain, growth, understanding. And this quote really resonated with me because I loved that she said that the promises, in large part, have been a saving grace. I think I can say that has been true for me as well.

And one more note before I sign off. Today is my mother's birthday.

Happy Birthday, Mom!

I want to publicly tell her how much I love her and to thank her for all that she has taught me, for her sensitivity and goodness, for instilling in me a love affair with words and language, for giving me life. She is a remarkable person. I wish you all could know her.

Sweet Blessings

My little sister is getting married. We were inseparable growing up and did everything together. We have that kind of relationship where we don't even really have to speak and we can understand each other. It has been so fun for me the past month as I've been able to be part of some fun things for her -- doctor visits, throwing a bridal shower for her, addressing wedding invitations, being with her when she got her bridals done and doing up her dress. I have loved this special time and the opportunity to celebrate this important step in her life. She is an incredibly special person to me and I love her.

Here are a few pics from the bridal shower. These things were part of a romantic table idea for decoration. Candles, sparking cider, chocolate, red rose, romantic cd, china for the occasion, etc. She got to take all of this stuff home with her in addition to her gifts. Thank you, everyone for coming and supporting her and Garrett. I know she really appreciated it.

The picture garlands I made for the doorways of their pictures.

Moist, yummy treats, yummy punch, nuts, muffins, pirouettes. Thanks to my nieghbor and aunt for contributing and helping to put this all together. It is lovely to have such wonderful people in your life.

We spent time with both sides of the family this week and had a lot of fun. I'd like to think that I try to be grateful, year round, for my blessings -- as opposed to being kind of a slouch about it throughout the year and then making a really concerted effort at this time of year. But, in light of it being Thanksgiving, I thought I'd make a public gratitude list. Things I'm grateful for right now. Here's what's coming to mind right now.

1. Being a wife and having someone to love, being loved

2. Becoming a mother. These boys are my greatest joy.

3. Wonderful sisters who are my best friends.

4. Beautiful fall days.

5. My jogger stroller. Salvation.

6. Good nieghbors.

7. Food to eat.

8. A warm home.

9. The gospel of Jesus Christ (that's right up there with #s 1 and 2).

10. Beautiful music

11. Memories

12. Good parents

13. Getting to know extended family better

14. Blogdom

15. Having the chance to share something with conviction and realizing how precious it is to me

16. Celebrating together

17. Getting to be at home with my babies

18. Cell phones -- I should just say technology in general.

19. Washers and dryers

20. Good books

21. Socks

22. Running shoes and exercise

23. People to work out with

24. And if not, my iPod shuffle is a LOVELY contraption.

25. A neighbor who treats my boys like they are her own grandchildren

26. Long walks

27. Naps

28. Watching my children grow and getting to be a part of each moment

29. Notes of appreciation (both received and given)

30. Inspiring examples

31. A clean house

32. Christmas lights, Christmas trees, Christmas smells, Christmas music. Love it all.
33. Good recipes.

34. Freedom

35. Health

36. Good laughs.

37. Friends. Life is so much better with them.

38. Journals.

39. Being able to read.

40. Having all of my senses.
41. Water

42. Seasons

43. A public track/workout building

44. Photographs

45. Color

And, I just wanted to share these photos from this past week. Made me laugh and I had to grab the camera.

In the middle of church today, when I had this one with me, I was feeling conscious of his audible babble and wishing a bit that he would quiet down. And then, almost instantly, the thought came to me that that little voice (along with his brother's) are the most beautiful sounds in my life. I was grateful for that sweet reminder. Life is so much the better for having them.

I hope all of you had a lovely holiday.

My love in Rock Canyon

The other night I took a drive around the city, and I listened to the song Never Saw Blue Like That by Shawn Colvin (click on the link for a listen). It was late, and the darkness seemed to curl around me, making the car feel safe and warm. I pulled into the Rock Canyon parking lot, the mountains looming before me in the darkness. Gazing at the stark, cool stars, I wanted to get out of the car and hike up, up, up. Maybe it was because of the song -- but I felt very nostalgic. I thought about the night hikes that Scott and I took up that canyon when we were getting to know each other. That nervous moment, off the path, when we looked down at the river in the moonlight -- and I think both of us knew it would be the perfect moment to kiss, but we headed back to the path instead. Long conversations up that canyon in the darkness. Using our bums as sleds to fly down the hillside in the snow. Leaving my parka at the first bridge and hiking up higher, only to forget and leave it when we (literally) came running down the canyon to the car to get me home for my date with a different boy at 8:00 that night. Hiking up that canyon on a frosty February 14th, knee deep in snow, where he asked me to be his wife in the serenity of that beautiful place. Gorgeous moon, river thundering below in the quiet dark. I think we were the only two people there. And then, later, pregnant and heading up in the afternoon sunlight when burnt afternoon amber bathes the canyon. In that light, bouldering on the rocks with Scott, he turned and looked at me and told me I was beautiful.

Just being there brought all of this back. It's where we got to know each other, where my perspective was forever changed because of this man that I love. Like the song says, he figuratively made me see blue with a brilliance I'd never seen before.

My heart felt lighter, life was prettier, things were funnier, love was real and thick.

Seems symbolic that it was a canyon where much of it began. Seems the perfect analogy.

Sometimes it's rocky, but as we climb higher and higher, the vastness on either side of us is more breathtaking.

I look at our two beautiful boys. Think about what we've shared together since those early memories. Although this terrain has never been traveled before, and isn't for the faint of heart, it is what I wanted.

The dark stillness reminded me of this.

(And it made me want to hike again.)

I love this man of mine.

Noticing the Roses

Tonight, as my dad and I worked on canning applesauce, the college house next door had twinkle lights set up on top of the carport. There was a table set for two, balloons all around.


Love was definitely in the air.


Which reminded me of this lovely. At church a few weeks back, someone gave the lesson on marriage and shared this -- an article from our church magazine from almost twenty years ago. While I think the whole labeling of "Prince Charming" and the steed and all of that good stuff is a bit cheesy, her point is perfect and one that just added to the philosophy of noticing the simply beautiful things in life -- especially with regard to the relationships that matter the most. This was written by Carol Sieverts, and is titled "My Husband Always Brings Me Roses."

Now I want to share it with you.

"Growing up as an incurable romantic, I was certain that when Prince Charming came along on his white charger, his arms would be filled with red roses. My tall, dark, and handsome prince would bow deeply, then shower me with the roses before sweeping me away on his trusty steed.

Indeed, I did find my prince. He was tall, dark, and handsome. But I should have recognized some flaws in my plan when his white charger turned out to be an Arabian bay mare.

At first, I was so caught up in the excitement of love and marriage that I completely forgot the roses. Later, though, as daily routine dulled some of the excitement, I began to wonder about the armloads of roses I’d been expecting. Somehow, they kept eluding me.

True, at the births of our first three babies, thanks to some broad hints dropped throughout each pregnancy, he had remembered the roses—one dozen long-stemmed beauties each time. Then, with number four, his practical nature finally got the best of him, and he presented me with—a cactus! It was a big, beautiful cactus—but still I longed for roses.

Several completely flowerless years passed. Then, as I was about to resign myself to a life without roses, a wonderful thing happened. I began to see that roses are where you find them, and they don’t always have red velvet petals or long green stems. This prince of mine had been showering me with roses all along. I had just failed to notice.

One night, I was awakened by the sounds of a sick child in the room across the hall. I called to him, warning him to hurry to the bathroom. But down the hall, I could hear undeniably that he had not been successful. I hurried to his rescue and helped him bathe and change clothes. When I returned our child to bed, I found my prince on his hands and knees, scrubbing the hall carpet. It was only after we had finished cleaning the carpet and had returned to bed that I realized what a lovely rose my husband had just given me.

Since then, I have found roses everywhere. I love to jog, but my prince doesn’t share my enthusiasm. Still, he will take me miles out of his way to find a new route. Then he tends the children until I return home. It was also my nonathletic prince who gave me my beautiful new running suit.

I see his roses in everyday loyalty. He hauls my paraphernalia to every Relief Society meeting I conduct. I won’t say he has never complained, but there is always a goodnatured, lighthearted feeling in his teasing. This bouquet of support is one of lasting beauty.

When my father passed away, my prince again was there, with perhaps his finest rose. My mother was left with a big home and yard, as well as the everyday problems of living alone. My husband took responsibility for two households without a second’s hesitation. And he has done it in such a sensitive way that my mother feels his sincere love and is not uncomfortable or embarrassed by his care. Could any other rose have smelled as sweet?

When I was young, I foolishly prayed for a life filled with romance. But a wise Heavenly Father has blessed me with something far richer—a life filled with genuine love.

I thank my Heavenly Father, too, for giving me the maturity to recognize roses where I find them. Support, kindness, thoughtfulness, and generosity may not be the kinds of roses I dreamed of as a romantic young girl, but as I discover and treasure each blossom, I become more grateful for this strong, kind, and gentle Prince Charming who showers me each day with roses."

What roses are blooming in your life?

Late Night Realization

After a lovely film, two throwing up sessions from one of our babes, cleaning the bathroom, a run to the store, and a late pumping session, I was finally retiring to bed last night. Here's what happened.

The 411.

Details.

Our room was dark. I usually kneel down for my night prayers outside the room, but I was anxious to get into bed and just opted to pray right there. As I knelt down, I bumped Scott's arm or something -- but didn't think anything of it. He didn't really react.

Finishing my prayer, I was kind of startled to have his hand grab my forearm. In the dark. Naturally, I reached out and touched him, only to have him freak out, obviously terrified. I climbed into bed and quickly whispered, "Honey, it's me," to which he didn't respond. I snuggled up to him from behind and found his hand up by his shoulder. When he felt my face there, he started to stroke my face. I asked him,

"Did you think that somebody was leaning over me?"

He muttered something about the affirmative, but that was about it.

So then...I lay there, enjoying the snuggles, but kind of freaked out about who he had thought I was.

C-r-e-e-p-y.

But then, happily, I had this awesome realization:

"My man was goin' to save me!"

I lay in bed feeling all happy and comfy -- those protective instincts were for me and he was freaked out at the prospect of anything happening to me.

So, essentially, the last thought of my night was this:

It's nice to be loved.

My Good Choice

One of my good friends that I've known for almost 10 years came over to visit last night. I love and care about this friend, and through the years, we've had several "heart to heart" conversations, as they say -- about life, disappointments, failures, yearnings, etc. My friend has been through a lot in his life, is divorced and trying to move forward. I love my friend. He has a big spirit and deep questions and he tries hard to be honest with himself.

So...when we've always had our deep conversations in the past, we usually have just talked over the phone. He's never really had the opportunity to get to know my husband. When he headed over last night, I wasn't sure how this would go down, if he'd feel comfortable opening up to someone that he virtually didn't know. It was neat for me to sit back and watch my friend and my husband that I love get to know each other, and neat to watch my friend open up with both of us. We put camp chairs out on our front lawn and enjoyed good conversation amidst the busy traffic of our street. It was like being enclosed, feeling quaint and quiet despite the noise. We snacked on pretzels and red vines and chatted about good books we've read and life experiences. It was so nice.

But, as a result of that little gathering, I've been thinking last night and today about some of the things that I most love about my husband. My friend was talking about how, in his former marital relationship, he felt very threatened by his ex's former boyfriends (romantic interests or otherwise), acknowledging that this was primarily because he didn't feel secure enough about he and his wife, something that he feels he would like to do differently if there's ever another time around. I realized something, again, that I love about Scott. Since we've been married, he's never been threatened by my keeping in contact with old guy friends -- even if the past held romantic interests with those people. I can talk openly with him about conversations I have with them now, past loves, past feelings, and it's really great because he isn't threatened by those things. And I love that. The really cool thing was that as I thought of this thing I love, I also came up with a bunch of other things that have grown in value since I married Scott -- things that I really appreciate about him. So, please excuse the personal reflection, but that's what a blog's about, right? Here's what I came up with:

• He doesn't tell me how to live my life; rather, he encourages me to be my own person, to be who I want to be


• He is never threatened by my opinions
  
• He has taken my friends as his own and gotten to know all of them, even coming in as the outsider
  
• Anything I want to do, he wants me to do it


• He is my best friend
  
• Going on with that, we can talk for ever and ever about tons of things. (That's another thing we talked about last night -- how it is/was imperative for all of us to be with someone that likes to philosophize and talk about ideas and concepts and loves good intellectual discussion -- this is a must for me! This was one of the biggest reasons why I was attracted to Scott -- it was what our relationship was based on...talking and talking about anything and everything and becoming familiar with who he was and what he thought about life and what his philosophies were. This has only richened since we've gotten married and we both love to read and discuss things and see what the other thinks about stuff. He has become more interesting to me that way.)


• I like that he will listen to me, for however long it takes, with all of my tangents included, never teasing me about it or making me feel dumb for sometimes taking forever to get to a point...he genuinely cares and wants to know.

• He has brought lots of new things to my life that have enriched it and made me think beyond my own box

• He loves books and ideas and family and adrenaline, another thing I love. Just this past Saturday I was out for a run with a friend and was talking about how that's another thing that attracted me to him...that he had UMPH!, that he loved adrenaline, that he's a "man's man." But at the same time, he'll do stuff like watch "Pride & Prejudice" with me, or "Anne of Green Gables," or any other type of movie like that with me (we just watched "Sense & Sensibility" the other night). He watches them with me with no complaints, and actually likes them. I love that. I have the best of both worlds.
  
• He's willing to do things totally different or try completely new things and he's happy with it. He's really adaptable and puts up with just about anything -- nothing is a BIG deal, it's mostly water off a duck's back. One example: I was raised without a TV. As a young girl, we'd try to head to the neighbors to catch favorite shows or go to Grandma's. Sometimes I really thought I wanted one as a young girl (kind of felt cheated), until an experience that made me realize otherwise -- but that's a whole 'nother post. BUT, that being said, as I approached adulthood, I was grateful to my parents for raising us without one and I felt that I wanted to do the same thing with my future family/children. But, of course, that was contingent upon what the guy that I married thought. Scott, on the other hand, was raised with a TV, and had experienced a lot more than I had, in many, many ways. (He was much more introduced to the world and open to different ideas and people and experiences -- way more accepting and just, well, OPEN. I guess that's the best way tot put it.) BUT, back to the TV -- after talking about it he was open to not having a TV if I didn't want one. And, as it turns out, I think he prefers not having one now, too. He doesn't miss it, and he loves all the quality time that we get together without it (not that you can't have it WITH a TV -- I'm not arguing that -- just that this has worked well for us). I could say other things -- the way that he embraced the more cultural aspects of how I'd been raised, though they were foreign to him at the time: classical music and art, etc. He had never really listened much to classical music or had any exposure to it, but he still listened (and loved) to Bach's St. Matthew Passion (which, in addition to being a 3-hour, fantastic classical work, is also in German, so you have to follow a translation to the text if you want to understand what it says unless you speak German -- which we don't). I loved that! This has only richened as well...we both love this stuff and love talking about art (ie. we pull out our big art textbook and we're both sitting right next to each other, totally enthralled, talking about different artists and artwork and the time that it came from, the ideas from the culture, etc. -- it's awesome!) or anything else that's cultural. It's so much fun.


• And one more gush: He has a HUGE spirit. I love basking in it. He loves life, and it is a joy to be with someone like that.

So, I'm really glad my friend came over. I've missed our chats and I love the times we get to have together.

But I'm really glad my friend came over because it led to this lovely recounting, for me, of why my husband is so cool and why I love him so much, the things I really value about our relationship. This is good to do because sometimes I forget all of these things when things are rough and I find myself forgetting why my choice was such a good one when I made it, and how those things have only gotten better with time.

I'm excited to see how much better it can get.

Warm Feet

Every night, when I climb into bed, I snuggle up and spoon with Scott. Then, I find his feet. I press the tops of my cold feet against the bottoms of his warm feet, one foot of his for each foot of mine. It makes me feel secure and warm.

It's a nice way to fall asleep.