Monday, February 13, 2012

Things I'll Remember About This Weekend

Scott was gone on Saturday.
By the end of the day I was tired and ready for the kids to go to bed.
But in the morning I took them for donuts since he was gone.
And then to Rock Canyon.

When we arrived it was windy and cold.
But we got busy hiking around and warmed up.
I just know I'll look at these pics down the road (shoot -- just give me a couple years and I'll be reflecting on how much younger they were and all of that), and remember what it was like to have them with me all the time.
Those reminders help me remember to cherish, to focus on the incredible opportunity that is mine to be a mother.  I love them so much.

And another small nothing.  This new song by Lady Antebellum made me choke up in the car the other day on the way home from dropping the boys off at school.  My romance with Mr. C. blossomed when I was eighteen.  And while we didn't lose touch, this song took me back to the magic of that time.  Feeling always beautiful for him (compared to the feeling now where I don't always feel that and I notice the creases coming on my face and my hair starting to change colors -- gray and white hair, folks).  That time when I thought about him like a bajillion times a day and couldn't wait til we met up again.  The timelessness of youth.  I remember a night drive up a canyon and getting out in the darkness and dancing in the dark to music from the truck.  I remembered that, and all those emotions, and my heart got stuck in my throat.

And then, last night in the quiet before bed, I sat down to write more love notes.  I thought I'd share one I wrote to each of my kids.
Dear Isaiah -- I can remember so many things about you, so many times we've spent together.  I love being with you, I love being your mom, and I think you are so wonderful and amazing and sweet and I want you to know that.  SMOOCH!  Love, Mom

Dear Benji -- I think when we were all in heaven together I saw you, and we were pals, and I said, "You know what?  I want to be your mom on earth!  You have to be the neatest person I know!!"  And you know what?  I got so blessed and so lucky--I got to be your mom.  I'll always be grateful for this.  I love you, Mom

Dear Mia -- I would have a thousand girls if they were all like YOU.  You've been a joy more than I ever could have imagined.  I love you.  Mom

We save these notes.  I hope when they're grown up, they have a full picture of motherhood.  My imperfections are highlighted enough around here that they'll know that some days it's hard.  But I hope it's peppered so much with all our lovely memories, and that these small notes tucked away will tell them something about how I've felt about them.  I want them to know that being their mother has meant more to me than any other thing I'm proud of in my life.  It has been a sheer privilege, beautiful and stunning.  It's a journey that I would take again and again.

(Today's plans are reading, writing and experimenting in changing liquid to a solid, deciding what our valentines dinner will be and decorations for our dinner table.  Love day dinner recap will come later this week.)

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